Dear Miss Junkmail

OK. Not a post about walking, but I had to put it somewhere. This is an email sent to me by my friend, Cris.  It’s his response to a junkmail requesting a ‘transfer of funds.’  His reply is below the actual email (in blue.) It’s fu%#ing hilarious:

From miss.Anne kone
12 BP 1046 ABIDJAN COTE D IVORIE
west africa
Dearest one,

I pray that this email reaches you in the best of health. This letter may
come to you as a surprise due to the fact that we have not yet met. The
message could be strange but it’s how urgent  and you will realise this if you paysome attention to it. I want to notify you about it at least for the
sake of your integrity.

l am miss.Anne kone ,the only daughter of late Mr and  Mrs Emma kone .My father was a very wealthy cocoa merchant in Abidjan here, the economic capital of ivory coast, he was poissoned to death by his business associates. My brother who is Jamine did fleid my country as he was not poissoned. Before this should happen .
My mother died on the 20th october 1996 and since then my father took me so special because l am motherless Before the death of my father on 29th march 2007 in a private hospital here in abidjan, he secretly called me on his bedside, when I sat down to listen to him, he started crying, why?
(1) he conplained that I am too young to be managing my life,

(2)that I have not finished my university education as he planned for me,

(3)no body to take care of me  as a young girl.

but after much crying , he still passed an instruction to me that he has a sum of US$11.700.000. UNITED STATES DOLLARS which he deposited under suspense account in B.O.A  bank  here in abidjan, that he used my name as the only daughter for his next of kin in deposit of the funds.
He also explained to me that it was because of this wealth that he was posisoned by his business associates , that l should seek for a God fearing
foreign partner in a country of my choice where l will transfer this money and use it for proper investment purpose ,that I must finish my university education by the help of a business partner abroad,that he or she should help me obtain a resident permit in his or her country.infert my dear this issue has been a very big load for me.i dont want to make a mistake as my father told me.he told me to fasting before taking any step in this,and i have don that ,the rest left to GOD allmighty.

my dear i hope you are god fearing person because i have nothing to do with an unbeliever.because this money is my life i dont want to rush it.i am good christian so i want to tranfer this money to God fearing person.emaging a small girl like me is having a sleepless night beacause of this issue.if  is not the death of my beloved parents i will not see such a situetion in my life.
He also gave an out standing instrution to the bank that the fund will be transfered  outside this country , this is to make sure that I did not begin to make use of the money here so that his enemies will not get at me.

Dear, I am now ready to do all these since my father my bread winner is no more.
Dear l am honourable seeking your assistance in what
following ways?

( 1) to help me to transfer this fund in your account
(2) to serve as my gaurdian in your country while I will depend on your expert advise since l am a girl of 18 years.
( 3 ) to make arrangement for me to come over to the university of your country in order to further my education and to secure a residential permit for me in your country.

Moreover , l am willing to offer you 15% of the total sum as compensation for your effort /input after the successfull transfer of this funds to your account overseas.

Furthermore, you can indicate your option towards assisting me as l believed
that this project would be concluded within fourteen ( 14 ) days you signify interest to assist me.and mind you that their is political civil war which going on in my country here,
Hoping to hear  from you soonest.

May God bless you as you extend your helping hand to a needy fellow.  Best wishes
miss.Anne.   kone

Please even if you don’t want to assist me. Please keep secret and confidential for my security.purpose

05,11,10

Hello miss.Anne kone,

I was really surprised by your letter, and deeply touched.

I am very surprised that you mentioned your brother, Jamine who I know very well.

In fact we are lovers.

We are very lucky in “my Country” that we have equal rights and two men are able to marry each other and live happily ever after in God’s love.

We are very happy. Your brother, mr. Jamine kone, and I will be married on June 18th.

Your brother, Jamine, misses you so much.

We know it would be very difficult for you to come to “my Country” from “your Country” but we are both hoping that you are able to come to the wedding!

My brother and my best friend are RCMP officers, so we were able to get space at their club house for the reception.  The ceremony will be held in the Saint Doanask Doantell Cathedral

I will email you pictures.

I wish to address your survey:

In answer to your question: “ …he (your father) started to cry. Why?”

I choose # 1.

In answer to your second question: “l am honourable seeking your assistance in what
following ways?”

I choose # 3

We are very sorry that we cannot help you with finances, but you must understand that your brother cannot be associated with his past and the corruption of your life style.

You will be happy to know that my brother, the RCMP officer knows many people and I have passed your information on to him.

I am sure he will have contacts who will be very interested in you.

How is everything in China?  l know you must have visited there.

Be very careful in West Africa.  There is much corruption there and so many people are trying to rip people off because they are the lowest scum on the earth and they think people in “my country” are stupid.

With  your brother here in “my Country”, he will be able to sponsor you to come and live here.  I can see by your spelling in your email that you would be very anxious to study at the university of “my Country”.

The very best to you.

In Heaven’s Trust, I have a hand that I want to extend to you.

Love,

Jamine kone and Ben Mulroney.

347 Bulls Hitch Road,

My Country,  P1Z  0FV

– NOTE: I rec’d and answered this letter yesterday, 05 11 10, and I have already received a response to reconsider my choice of turning “her” down.

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